My 5 Video Game Crushes

Benny Uhlich
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As a person in a long-term serious romantic relationship, I tend to celebrate Valentine’s day with my real-life human wife. But I still have some crushes on the fictional characters in video games. So let’s look at the characters that have stolen my heart.

GLaDOS

I sure do enjoy quick-witted banter. GLaDOS, the AI that facilitates Aperture Science testing labs in the Portal series, has incredible one-liners that come off even better because of the dry robotic delivery. But I couldn’t ever date her, because she’s a robot and because I’m not interested in being in a relationship with someone who lies about cake.

Princess Zelda

I haven’t played all of the Zelda games, so I can’t speak for all the entries, but Zelda is way more than a damsel in distress. Sure, you do your part in rescuing her, but she does her part in defeating Ganon too! Plus, Zelda is the holder of the Triforce of Wisdom, so she’s smart, I like that. Heck, in Ocarina of Time she dresses up as a Ninja and is a capable warrior. She’s smart, strong, and capable, she’d be the perfect woman if she wasn’t fake.

Evolution of Princess Zelda by AdamZoneTopMarks

Ms. Pacman

Okay, I just think Ms.Pacman is the very best version of the Pacman games, and she’s a girl, so I listed her.

A Bunch of Solid Adventurers

All of these women are powerful, faced a huge challenge and came out on top, and go on big ol’ adventures. Lara Croft from Tomb Raider survives scary nature and also scary men with guns. She’s every boy’s first video game crush!

Unless that first crush was Samus. The hardcore space soldier who, through the first Metroid video game is believed to be Male, until you beat the game. Samus saved the galaxy from scary aliens, so points for her!

Elena Fisher is a lot like Lara Croft, except she’s a journalist who gets caught up in Nathan Drake’s crazy adventures in the Uncharted series. She’s able to keep up with Nathan throughout a lot of the story, and she even rescues him in the Uncharted 4 video game.

Horizon Zero Dawn introduced us to the ultimate, brilliant archer and warrior, Aloy. This whole game was fantastic, you know with robot dinosaurs and stuff, but Aloy was a fun character and I really enjoyed following her on her journey to save the Earth.

Senua

In HellBlade: Senua’s Sacrifice, you play as a woman with psychosis. She appears physically strong while mentally and emotionally damaged. She figures out puzzles and defeats horrible demons all while keeping her mental health in check the best that she can. I loved this character. She is so strong and determined and brave.

Papyrus

I’m a straight man, but even then I had a massive crush on the cool dude, Papyrus from Undertale. He’s funny, and kind of dumb, but he’s pretty much the most charming person in the entire game. If Papyrus is still alive, later in the game there’s even a date sequence with him! He decides that he doesn’t like you like that, but that’s fine, I can’t date a Skeleton anyway.

So that was me making a fool of myself. Do you have any video game crushes that you’re willing to admit?

Play on, pals

By: Benny Uhlich, CruelFan.com

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